-Excuse any and all grammatical errors, I kind of just wanted to flesh this out with doing my usual excessive spelling and grammar checks.
So….I’ve been meaning to type this blog post for a while now, and I’ve been dreading it like crazy. This blog was intended to help my progress but the only thing that can help my progress is me. I wanted to make this post so much more articulate and expressive so I can really explain why I failed at reaching my goals before I turned 21 on June 2nd, but I don’t think there’s a better explanation than the fact that I am lazy.
I was going to weight watchers faithfully every Tuesday with my mom and seeing fairly decent results. Some weeks were much better than others, but at least I was conscious of what I was putting in my body and exercising somewhat regularly every week. I don’t remember exactly when my mom and I just made a pact to never go back to weight watchers but I do remember the reason we haven’t been back since, and it’s extremely trivial.
Basically around mid-Decemeber when most people are planning to hit the gym heavy for their NYE resolutions, my mom and I said we would stop going to weight watchers for a while because it had gotten really cold where we live, and making the trek to the closest location felt like a chore in -7 degree weather. This shouldn’t have been the excuse for the next six months but it has been even though the weather has definitely become a lot more bearable. I know someone may ask, “Why didn’t you just go to the meetings yourself then?” Well the truth is, I don’t have the money and my mom never minded paying for the both of us. It’s a really weak excuse to have but I don’t make that much at my current job and paying for things on a weekly basis is just not practical at all right now.
To an average person, this may not seem like a horrible reason to quit something. No money is a very valid reason to not partake in things. But for me it feels like a complete loss. I have never been skinny or had the chance at maintaing a healthy weight. From the time I was a child I have always been sort of chubby. But I really felt horrible the first time I went to weight watchers and was told that I had ballooned up to 200+ lbs. It was shocking to me and I vowed that from that day forward I would make healthy living a priority. Within the first week I actually lost 7 lbs and have lost a total of 31 lbs altogether. But it’s not enough. Throughout high school I hung out with girls who were just as big as I was and was teased about the way I look all the way up until I graduated. For the 1st two years of college I felt hideous and compared myself to every other girl who walked across campus. Now, I feel much better about myself, but I can’t let myself become stagnant in the fact I’ve lost 31 lbs. 177 lbs on a 5’2 frame is still a lot of extra fat to be carrying around, and I can’t help but think about how much better I’d feel if I could lose another 10-20. Although, I think that’s something everyone thinks about from time to time.
I’ve been stuffing my face for way too long and stress eating because I’m constantly on the go. At 21 years old, I feel like the most I should be worried about is graduating college and finding cute clothes. Adding health to my to-do list just feels like another burden on my back. But I am ready to make the change. This post wasn’t meant to be an excuse-laiden failure note and a promise to do better next time. It was meant to be a kick in the ass and reminder that I’ve already come so far and stopping now would surely ruin me and contribute to the overwhelming depression I already feel.
Anyways, if you’ve read this far I truly appreciate it and as always if you have any ideas of how to maintain healthy eating habits or workouts that you think will help me, I’d love to hear them.
+++Also, I need a new name for this blog, and preferably something without a time limit on it so I don’t feel like a complete failure for not achieving my goals next time.
Thanks so much and good luck on your health journey’s.